Care at home - what can we expect?

[rosr]

Hi everyone, looking for advice please. My elderly mum had a stroke 2 months ago, she now was limited mobility, slurred speech, unable to make food/drink. The hospital have told my 82 year old father that she will be discharged home to him. However he has arthritic wrists and hips and is unable to lift her, so unable to do hygiene things or get her in or out of the car. He has been told he will get 4 visits a day but no provision for overnight and she needs the bathroom x2 per night but is unable to get herself in and out of bed into bathroom safely on her own. The impact of caring for my mum will put my dad in hospital he is already exhausted from hospital visits. I’ve applied for blue badge but Halton council have told me it takes 12 weeks and no emergency lane. Can anyone advise?

1. Can he get support to take mum to other doctor and hospital appointments as he is unable to do this
2. What happens overnight?
3. What happens if he needs to go out?
4. Can you find an emergency lane for blue badges?
5. What will happen if he is ill?
   Thanks so much!

[Bagrat]

It is a huge issue for you all. The whole episode must have been a huge shock for you all.I used to be a nurse and things have changed so much since I retired 20 yrs ago.
While they are planning for her discharge it is most important that the whole family is involved in the process. Sometimes discharge planning is led by a nurse, sometimes a home care manager ( social services).
Please insist on an in depth conversation before your Mum’s discharge is a fait accomplis.
If you really feel this discharge will not work, you must list your concerns and veto the decision if it leaves both your parents at risk.

I don’t know if they are arranging one or 2 carers, but if you and your Dad decide going ahead is possible, be prepared for different carers on different days, which your parents may find mithering at first. The carers will not lift (they’re not allowed to). The visits may not always be at the same time each day either but in a 1 hour window (that’s a worst scenario situation)
Regarding your blue badge question, it varies with each council. I have applied for several friends on line in our area and badge has arrived in a couple of weeks, so cant help.
Re trips to the loo during the night, I fear the options will not appeal to you, but you should enquire.
Re arrangements if your Dad was ill, again you must enquire about local arrangements.
If he needs to go out there may be local carers resources who provide a “sitter” to be with your Mum while he goes out for a couple of hours to do errands once a week. I don’t know how near family are.
It is paramount the discharge does not happen until all options have been explored and your Dad is content with the arrangements and both parents are aware there will be improvement but it will take time.
I am so sorry you find yourselves in this situation.
I do hope someone has mentioned Attendance Allowance as there is a six month wait from application until it’s granted

[Mrs5K]

@rosr hi & welcome to the community. Sorry to hear of your mum’s stroke.

I agree with all that @Bagrat has said. Your mum’s discharge back home has to be a safe discharge & you have to fight your corner with this. Someone should visit the home & check it is suitable for her to be discharged too & also ensure any aids she needs are provided.

Would it be better to explore other options? E.g. a care facility that can provide for your mum’s needs.

How have they assessed that she would be safe at home with your dad? Are they assuming that other family members will help?

You must push back.

Good luck.

Ann

[ManjiB]

Hello @rosr ,

Welcome to this forum. This forum is a good place to be for someone in your situation as you will likely get support and information pertinent to your needs.

I concur and echo what both @Bagrat and @Mrs5K say in their responses.

I further add, the hospital CANNOT tell your father that your mother will be discharged into his care.

Be absolutely clear, your Mum must not be discharged for home care until it is safe to do so i.e. the home is adapted to meet her care needs as appropriate.

All equipment is in place, e.g. hospital bed, hoists, care plan, carers etc. etc.

Create a checklist and make sure it is all ticked off.

My Mum was going to be discharged after a week or two - in the end she stayed in hospital for over 3 months before being “safely discharged” and even then there were issues - the home WASN’T ready but that’s another story for another day.

How did the hospital arrive at this conclusion?

Has your mother expressed a wish to be cared for at home e.g. in a LPA (lasting power of attorney) document?
Has you father said he will care for your mother at home?

In the event your mother does wish to be cared for at home, is the home “fit for purpose”? Does the home need to be adapted?

Who will pay for the care?

Myself, @EMG72 and various other regular contributors to this forum have been discussing this very situation recently and you may find it interesting to read.

Slow stream rehab + feeling gas lit by MDT.

I repeat, create a checklist and DO NOT AGREE to take your Mum home until it is safe to do so and your Father is happy he can care for her has her primary carer.

You may need to contact social services, your local MP and other support services. Hospitals cannot dictate to you (at least I don’t think they can).

Wishing you and your family a safe and managable outcome from this unfortunate situation.

Namaste|

[EMG72]

Im so sorry to hear about your mums stroke.

The others have guveb you solid advice.

My mum had an unsafe discharge from her stroke ward at Ipswich last summer. Sadly it took a paramedic and a relative who is very experienced in caring for older people to educate me. I’m disgusted that stroke wards are doing this. It is traumaticon top of the stroke related trauma.

1. Be as stubborn as hell. Follow your gut. Don’t allow them to put your parents in this position.
2. Tell your mum and dad to not reply to anyone if they ask if they’re happy for her to be discharge. Best if they simply don’t respond on any way. If you have an LPA this’ll help. If not, you can write a letter stating the ward must get your permission for any devisions about her care/ discharge. You’ll need to sign it and a get a witness to sign it.
3. Demand that a hospital social worker is involved and demand “destination undecided” discharge pathway to ensure this happens. A social worker might be able to secure her a ‘step down’ bed and rehab before going home and they’ll discuss other options.

The NHS can be a cruel place nowadays for older people so us kids need to protect them.

A social worker can slow down the discharge and give you all a clearer idea of life post stroke and the care your parents will need.

Our local MP is involved after the NHS repeatedly let mum down. I hit my limit and reached out to her.

Good luck and please keep us updated.

[Anna_Moderator]

Hi @rosr

Welcome to the Online Community, I’m sorry to hear about your mums stroke.

I’m pleased to see that you’ve had a lot of responses and I hope some of these are helpful for you.

I will add that we have some information on our website which talks about being discharged. You can find this information here.

We also have some information on moving into a care home after a stroke, this may not be something you’re looking at doing but it could have some helpful information on there for you. You can find that information here.

Please also consider calling our Stroke Support Helpline:0303 3033 100. They may be able to offer some more advice on this and on the blue badge.

If you need anything whilst you’re using the Online Community, please don’t hesitate to tag me using the @ symbol and my username.

Anna